Nothing. I don't have anything. I? Nothing. No...don't ask stupid questions – one can't always be in good spirits, can I, hey? I have nothing. Nothing. Oh, leave me. Well, I'm only thinking. Do you really think it's only you men who ever think? I'm thinking. No, no money – my debts are paid. All of them. I don't owe a penny. What? Not a penny. Only the chemist and the fish tank I recently got and the tailor's and with Katie. Nothing else. Well, all right, the fifty at Vopelius'. No, it's not because of the money. Because of the money! What's your problem with the grammar – the bigger issue is to have money. But I haven't got any. That fellow, oh he...well, nothing. Well this fellow. The sailor I told you about the other day. He was a little tatooed like a sailor and looked like a Holstein country pumpkin. No I've never been in Holstein – it's just an idea. What it is with him? Oh, just leave me alone. Of course, well, yes! He's a sailor. No, he wasn't here again. I always thought he'd show up some time. Why Why! Because he borrowed money off me. Why's that a cheek? That's not a cheek! I touch you for money too, sometimes. But at least I don't pretend to ever return it! No, not much. Makes no difference. Oh...I´m not crying. Not much.
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He wasn't really at sea. In the country, of course. Oh leave me. Well, he was in jail. A year and a half. I don't know why. Where? That doesn't matter. Plötzensee. My money...? I had been to the police straight away. Really, there was such a nice man there at the reception, I asked him. I told him everything. Goodlooking fellow, officer in the crime department or something. As I was leaving, he says to me: Mrs. Laßmann, your eyes are too pretty! The white of your eyes: quite blue! That's what he said. And then I was there again, and he read the poems, 'cause he writes poems. You think only you write poems? Want them to rhyme in the beginning – of course they rhymed at the endings! Very nice poems. And he said: That's genuine fraud! Genuine fraud that is! False pretences, he says. And then he read me another poem. Whether I´ll get my money back like that ? Daddy, let me tell you something: I don't want my money back! I've written the guy off. Me – and a sailor? Never again. It's quite a high rank, isn't it, to be officer in the crime department? And here's a bill you can pay, too. Why do you say "ahoy"? And let me tell you why all this happens: I just have too little money and much to much heart. And with you it's the other way round. Ahoy - !

Kurt Tucholsky „Rheinsberg“, Rowohlt 1958, S. 114-117

translation: Gunilda Wörner

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